:: our boy ::

over the past 2 weeks, i have had a range of emotion come over me. emotion that I don’t understand, that i can’t put my finger on, and emotion that i can’t explain. see a trend? i’ll try and explain some of my thoughts here.

first of all, christian elias was delivered on june 7, friday, at 10:10 pm. he was so precious. he always will be precious. that’s the only way i know to explain him. from the second ben and i found out about christian, that we didn’t have much time left with him, and that this was going to be the hardest thing we’ve ever gone through, we have relied so heavily on our community, our families, and our friends, but more so we’ve relied on each other and on the Lord. i’ve shared this with many of you that read this blog, but our family has never felt the love of Christ the way that we have over the past 2 weeks. i understand now why Christ created His bride, His body, the Church…it’s to be a body when you need an actual person to minister to you. this happens all the time, and on a regular basis in our lives, but i never fully understood what that meant. from our pastor praying and crying with us in his office, to my mom, dad, mother in law, and sister being with us all through labor and delivery, to meals being brought to us, and a circle of women surrounding me at church the following sunday, crying with me, and the same said women bringing food for the meal after Christian’s service on monday. y’all, it’s overwhelming. and it’s so refreshing. and it hurts. and i don’t understand it. and even with all of the wonderful things, ben and i miss our little boy. we want to see him grow up with his brothers, and we’ll never have that opportunity for him. i want to see what color hair he has, and i won’t see that here on earth. i miss him.

i know this is not the most uplifting post ever, but i pray that it will lift someone up. that it will be encouraging to that first time mom that is going through the same thing we’ve been through twice now. all i can say is that the Lord is faithful. He hasn’t left us once, and ben and i both feel incredibly close to him. i’m so thankful for His body, for our marriage, and for the family that God has chosen to give us. i don’t know what the future holds for us, but i know the only thing i can do is trust in Him, the One who gives me every good and perfect thing, and the One who truly knows what i am bearing now, since He bore it on the cross. 

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Praise Him all creatures here below.

Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts.

Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Amen.

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4 thoughts on “:: our boy ::

  1. What an inspirational blog….your positive slant on such a unimaginable situation has brought tears to my eyes. Puts the world in perspective when you read of someone so thankful when others could feel so abandoned by Christ. There are many times in life that people turn away from faith…I always remember the beautiful words of the verse ‘ footprints’ reminds me of this.

  2. lily says:

    thanks for your honesty and vulnerability, Janie. So grateful for the body of Christ. We’re mourning with you here, too. love from the glass’

  3. Katie Wright says:

    I’m so saddened for you and your family, but so thankful for how closely you have clung to the Father in this time of mourning. I pray that God will continue to bring healing and a perfect peace that only he can bring. I look forward to meeting Christian Elias one day too and seeing what color his beautiful hair will be.

  4. Debby says:

    You are such an encouragement, Janie, even in the midst of your suffering. I can see Christ shining brightly in your family even from long-distance, and I pray that He will give you comfort as you mourn.

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